SO I havent been here in a while.

the 4th was spent in upstate NY with some great people. 

I have this old friend who will remain nameless... Shes great.  We hooked up for a few months about 5 years ago.  We fell for one another.  One day while Im working late, I get a phone call from my friend Joe.  He sounds wasted, and keeps telling me he fucked up.  I try to get him to calm down and get him to tell me whats up.  HE says he hooked up with she at a party.I told him not to worry.  It wasnt like we were dating or anything.  She calls me 15 minutes later hysterical saying that Joe tried to rape her.  I decided that day that I couldnt trust either of them.  I stopped talking to both of them for a while.  I met this girl named Niki shortly after that...

So She and I have had some crazy ups and downs in the past few years.  We never really stopped loving each other. I was there when she fell.  She would call me crying on my gfs cell phone, and nicole didnt like that one bit.  I would be  the one to pick her up.  She called me once about a year ago from colorado crying, telling me that I was the only one  who felt like home.  I think I knew then what was meant to happen.  We are two completely different particles on the same wavelength.  I'm in her head because I'm in my own. 

Fast forward...

Out of the 7 days I was back on Long Island, I spent 4 of them with her.  She's so awesome.  I think I chose the wrong girl all those years ago.  I was gonna dance around the subject a bit with pretty words and blah blah blah but there's really no more to say on the matter.  FUCK!

I did some dumb shit the other day and popped out a few blades from the mach 3 refills.  I was a bit smarter about it this  time.  Nothing visible. 

I want to admit here that I am deathly afraid of being alone.  Of dying without being noticed.  I feel invisible to the waking world. 
I am lost.

I wanted to start working on the crazy house EP, but I've not been motivated enough to get around to doing it.  WOrking on stupid shit mostly.

MAYHEM Festival in eight days wihe greg, heather, and loren.  I cant wait.  BLack Dahlia Murder, JFaC, Killswitch Engage.  FUCK YES>>>

STAY METAL \m/

Sometimes the truth hurts more than lies
Found that life meant nothing today,
Forgot the very next morning
And why can't our bodies reset themselves
Won't you please reset me

I am comfortably confused and thats no thanks to you
Turn off the stereo and put us in a different direction

Found out that humanity lost its way
Not according to radio and TV
But what has questioning ever gotten us
Hold your tongue, better watch your mouth
He is a man lurking
But what has speaking out ever gotten us

I am comfortably confused and thats no thanks to you
Turn off the stereo and put us in a different direction
What has worrying gotten us, I don't believe its safe

Babe, I think that I'd like to leave,
This place gives me the creeps
When I think about truth
Cold sweat, your breath it chills
Cheap thrills not above
Or what they cracked up to be
Just come with me, and we'll run away

Where the weathers warm and the skies are gold
Just come with me and we'll run away

I am comfortably confused and thats no thanks to you
Turn off the stereo and put us in a different direction
What has worrying gotten us, I don't believe its safe

-I See Stars "Comfortably Confused"