Did I do a horrible thing today? 

I think so. 

I said something out of anger to my girlfriend that I probably shouldn't have said.  I said that she's not self sufficient.  That must have struck a chord with her, and now she doesn't want to talk to me.  She pushes all of my buttons, then I am the bad guy when I blow my fucking lid.  I love her, and I don't wanna be that person that comes out when we argue.  I know she loves me... why can't I just be in a stable relationship?  I didn't mean what I said, and now there's no way to take it back.  I have to figure out a way to get the mean out of me.  Get it out before it all boils over and I scream at her.  I can't expect her to tolerate another outburst from me like I had today.  I just wish I had an outlet.    

I did bad thing with razors today.  I couldn't stop myself.  Those fusion razorblades suck for cutting.  They aren't sturdy, and bend when you apply any signifigant amount of pressure to them.  i had to settle for a bunch of small incisions, as opposed to one or two big cuts that I would normally do.  I haven't done this since July. 

I have not been able to write for some time now.  I just have trouble getting out what I want to say in rhyme or thru the instrumentals.  I sit there and just stare at the screen for hours, and that makes me mad. 

I want to be better than this.  I can't figure out how to be.  

This is so pathetic.