May 17, 2011

• being the only christian in the area is a lonely affair.  bleh

  There's no one I can call and talk to about this... there's no support structure. 

  I'm lost.  I haven't felt like this in ages.  I haven't been scared in so long. 

  I miss ashley... something awful... but I'm an "asshole" so she won't talk to me. Do you have a minute so I can tell you the story?

  When I got back from the mission, she expressly asked me not to preach to her, and I told her that I'm not preachy.  A few days later she hit me up and said that she gets it, that her soul is a gift and being a gift she can do whatever she wants with it.  I told her it didn't work like that.  She then begins to tell me about the extra-marital relations she's having and how shes not drinking anymore, and that's all that matters.  I told her that that's not how it works.  I told her that what she was saying sounded like something straight out of the satanic bible.  I told her to give me some time and that I couldn't talk to her.  She whatevers me.  I unfriend her on facebook.  I wake up in the morning to this mean message saying,"I asked you not to talk to me about God.  You're an asshole and you know how I roll, why would you do that?  Goodbye and have a nice life."

  She I the one who started the conversation.  If you know me, you would know it's in my nature to stand my ground, whatever the cost.  I am in love with this poison bitch.  I gave that up for God.  I'm shaking right now just thinking about it.  The pain is almost intolerable.  I know that if I bleed it out I will feel better, but that isn't an option.  It's becoming a chore... all this...

  I am sinking into the void, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

  Help...

  • 10:14 pm
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