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  • ummmm... I was sad a lil and now Im happy... I surfed the internet reading the Gnostic Gospels... Random XANGAFrontpage clicking leading to other bs...

     

    My head is blissfully empty. 

    Cant wait to get back on stage... The music takes over my body and I am not in control...

    I can definately understand what shes saying... but I dont think that shes right...I think you would ahve to know me in order to know the deal lol... eh... 

     

    <3theuniversalgroove

     

    Sift through the rubble, creating a case against this earth.
    Found in the last place I search.
    From deep within you force the mirror upon myself.
    Face my sins, my eyes scratched, blind to this sight.
    Self-indulgence makes my flesh turn grey, the beauty within, blackened to a darker core.
    The selfless act brings me into the light, a shell of purity masks the internal decay.
    I become the demon in my dreams.
    I become the object of my hate.
    Soulless, my disposition raped from me.
    Identity masked by my words.
    I must remove the mask I wear,
    I must defeat the demon in my dreams.
    A second-hand soul dressed in silk to match it's peers, playing catch-up to the perfection I adore.
    Scars under the surface, hidden from them all, they will remain until I reach peace within.
    I work through this void, search through debris, change frequencies, reclaim myself.
     -Viatrophy "Suffereance"

  • so... rhode island in a few weeks... everything thinks Im fucking stupid for talking to nicole again... They dont seem to realize that I really liketalking to her... shes one of my best friends... We talk all the time... Once a day by my clock for the last month or so. IM OK with this... why isnt anyone else...

    NUMEIRA IS FUCKING BACK>>>>>

  • SO... eveything has been looking up lately... I havent cut myself in 4 days or soemthing like that so thats good... Im hoping that maybe nicole and I can work out a functional friendship... Its nice to hear her voice again... Its also nice to know Im not completely caught up in her as a love interest... I mean I dont think Ill ever stop loving her but shes one of my bestest friends ever... Im not ready to throw that away.

    In other news...

    Going to bamboozle day one. I see stars, saves the day, isetmyfeiendsonfire, protest the hero... Im good lol...

    CAnt wait.

    Georgia in a month <3

    I am blissfully empty

  • sooooo... where do i go from here... Im lost

     

    Hide away from it all
    Say tomorrow it comes, and then...
    I'm alone.
    Suppose...
    I know...I know...
    The demons call
    Hide away from it all
    Say tomorrow it comes, and then...
    I'm alone.
    Suppose...
    I know...I know...
    The demon call...

    -Devin Townsend "Demon League"

  • Follow me on twitter if you are inclined to do so... http://twitter.com/williamfish

    So... What else to say here... Move to Georgia? Covenant players?  Laos? Thailand?  I have no fucking idea. 

    My friend franklin killed himself very recently... Welll... not much of a friend... not anymroe... I mean he shot his parents back in 2007 in service to a demon... I dont know how to feelll about this... I need to go to church...

  • Some interesting things surfaced today...

    Around 1 pm today I walked in the snow to Key Food for Brians mom... and covenant players called me again.  I told them why I didnt show up to the last interview, and they wanna set me up with another one.  I cant believe this... either they are desperate or really are reaching out to me...

    <<<<THEN THIS>>>

    IF anyone on here has ever spoken to me or read anything on here you might have picked up that I would love to teach english abroad.  The goal was Japan, but recently I've been looking into facilities in Laos and Thailand.  The natural beauty and culture of these countries outweigh the potential decadence that would take place in Japan, I believe.  In these places, my word would go a long way... so would my dollar. 

    Anyone have any ideas on this?  I'm a little lost right now.

  • no words can describe it... this sicks

  • so who in washington is reading my blog?  I wonder.....

    I'm not sure if i exist ne more... and thats not necessarily a bad thing.  

    The show was amazing tonight...  I cried a little with devin townsend played truth. 

    I dont remember what else I was going to type. 

  • help someone please help... spiraling down deeper... please help...

  • How long, O LORD, must I call for help,
           but you do not listen?
           Or cry out to you, "Violence!"
           but you do not save?
    -Habakkuk 1:2

    This is the faith complex
    Where all it takes is another step so we can then step again
    it's not all about the numbers
    This is the faith complex
    try not to write another disappointing letter to integrity
    only go faster when you've stopped and thought
    only go slower when you've learned of wisdom
    everything is a question of goodwill
    but we're too busy delivering answers with arrogance
    isn't it funny how ones compassion diminishes when his or her own perils rise?
    Its not all about the numbers
    What should we ask for?
    Who should we look to if all we know is burning bridges?
    Don't speak to me like I'm a stranger
    Turn your thoughts to the roots
    As we've all been caught up in the branches
    With roots above and branches below
    Don't run if you don't know your walk
    This is the faith complex
    This is a memoir to friends persisting
    -The Devil Wears Prada  "Sassafrass"

    Why cant I allow myself to be a good christian....

    I think Im losing my mind again... Ive been contemplating another hospital stay recently... One where I actually tell them wahts going on instead of staring blankly at my bible pretending to read every morning when my doctor comes in.  I cant wait to get back to pa...

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